What I Want My Adopted Child to Know: An Adoptive Parent's Perspective
Why did you write the book?
I wrote the book in response to a need common among adoptive families. Adoptive families navigate emotional terrain that fully-biological families don’t have to. This is a book adoptive parents can give to their child and say, ‘I know adoption is painful, unsettling, joyous, and affirming. It’s that way for me too. More than anything, adoption is the way we came together, and I’ll always be grateful for that.’
How did you decide to adopt domestically?
It was important to me and my husband to meet our children's birth families before we entered into an adoption agreement. That opportunity is almost nonexistent with international adoption. I needed to look in their birth mother's eyes and ask them why they chose adoption, why they chose us for their child, and what they wanted their child to know. I needed to hold their hands and tell them that if they change their minds and decide to parent, then they should, that they don't owe anything to us or anyone else, and that whatever they decide it will be the right decision. I needed to be sure that adoption was their decision, not anyone else's. I couldn't do that if we had adopted internationally.
How do you think parents should tell their children they were adopted?
Children who were adopted should never remember a time when they didn't know. It should be like learning their name or recognizing their parents' faces. They should always know.
